Arm Cleavage

If we're going for honesty here....I might as well get it all out there....but remember the rules:

1. Don't judge.
2. It's okay to laugh at my "fat jokes!"  They will be funny a year from now to me too!

If you're skinny, you have no idea what I'm talking about.  If you're skinny but think you're fat, you might THINK you know what I'm talking about...but really, you have no idea.....and you suck.  Here's a little tip: Fat people find it outrageously annoying when skinny people whine about being fat.  Just sayin'

For a long time, I've been compiling a list of all the reasons that I'm DONE being a hefty heifer....every time something would make me mad, or sad, or down right depressed, I'd write it down.  So here's my list....it's a long one.

1. I want to get naked.

  Like....in the daylight. 

Just to be able to step out of the shower without 15 towels wrapped around me, and not have to peek out the door to make sure my husband wasn't anywhere near......
Last time my husband ACTUALLY saw me naked was before I was pregnant with Tristan.  He'll be 6 in October.  Sad. Honest.  Ugh.
Chad will probably like this reason too! =)

2. I have kids. Looooooads of them.  Kids think it's hilarious to point out how my "muscles are bigger than daddy's"....but really I just have fat arms.  Or ask me if I'm pregnant.....or....oh gosh....kids are just mean. And innocent...but geez.

3.  Teeter Totters are not fun.

4.  Being afraid to be the first to say you're hungry when you're with friends.  Even if you're REALLY hungry!

5. I'd really like to cuddle up on my husband's lap, without making his face turn purple.  The man needs to breathe.

6. My daughter is beautiful.  She is perfection.  I NEVER want her to know how I actually feel about myself.  NEVER.  She will NOT know the reason for my surgery until she's 30.  Maybe 35.  This damn world has enough complexes for her to worry about.  Mine will NOT be one of them.

7.  Diabetes runs in my biological family.  This really should be reason #1 for me....but honestly.....it's more about correcting years of depression and complete lack of self esteem, than it is about health. For now.

8.  Leg chafing. Don't know what I'm talking about?  Then you're not fat.  This is where....when you walk around for too long, your underwear catch on fire. Enough said.

9.  My Dad told me, "I can't wait until you're little again, " while hugging me.  I know he was being loving....but still. I agree. 

10.  Everything hurts.  My feet hurt the most....especially in the mornings.  

11.  The sun is freaking HOT in the summer.....but I still find it necessary to cover EVERY inch of my body in clothing.  Gotta hide the arm cleavage. 

 Yes, I just said arm cleavage.

12.  In Jr. High and High School I was anorexic and bulimic.  My Jr. year in HS, I was soooo proud to weigh 82lbs.  I remember seeing the scale say that number, and still feeling fat.  
That's gross.
I have obviously had some type of eating disorder for years. It's time to be DONE.

This list will probably be on-going.....until September. (Yeah!)

Thank you all for your support.  I already feel better about my decision to air all my dirty fatness to the world.....it feels good to get it all on "paper," because once it's out there for everyone to see.....I can't go back.  This is ending SOON!!