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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

The BIGGEST day of my life......

The BIGGEST day of my life.........


A few days ago, I had the BIGGEST day of my life.......no LITERALLY, the BIGGEST!!

Here's the scoop...(double scoop, in my case!)

In order for my insurance to cover my surgery, there are a MILLION hoops that I've had to jump through..(though jumping is not my strongest ability at the moment!).....the first being my BMI.....that one, I hit NOOOOO problem!

The next few have been tedious.

I am in month 5 of a 6 month Dr. supervised "weight loss program."
This basically just means that I drag all 67 of my children to the Dr's office, once a month to get my weight checked.  We walk in, looking like someone just unloaded a preschool bus, armed with sucker sucking toddlers!
Oh.....and fishy crackers.....
and graham crackers......
and anything else I can put in their mouths (no...duct tape is not an option, unfortunately...)  for the 30 minutes we're in there...to keep us from being too loud and getting kicked out.

Get this....... I am NOT allowed to lose weight during this time...because my BMI is BARELY above the limit for my insurance to cover my surgery, and since I'm on a "weight loss program," I'm not allowed to gain weight either!  It's a precarious balance!

So on top of the weight loss program that I can't lose weight on, I also have had to do a 3 month psychological evaluation.  This is the "good part!"  I KNOW that a lot of my issues are mental, and I KNOW that even with surgery that they're not just going to go "POOF" and disappear.....so I have been more than happy to go see a psychologist twice a month for the last 3 months!    She, like so many other psychologists I have seen.....says that my insecurities, poor self-esteem, and self-loathing, likely comes back to my being adopted.  I however, think that is garbage.  And THAT, is for a whole other blog!  But it HAS been good, talking to her about my eating habits, anorexic/bulimic past and self-esteem....and how my wight has always been the one thing that has either made me happy or depressed in my life.......I'm working on it.......and I'm soo glad that I'll get to continue seeing her, well after my surgery is finished!

I've also had to compete numerous other tests...here's the LONG list.....
*Sleep Apnea testing
*multiple lab draws
*Cardio/Pulmonology tests
*Nutrition counseling
*Dietitian counseling
*Physical Activity classes and assessment
*Echocardiogram
*Upper GI study
*Endoscopy

and anything else they feel I need to complete.....ugh.

BUT......as I finish my list of "To-Do's".....I get closer to the big day......and guess what??????

I will NEVER AGAIN be bigger than I am today! 

 Last Wednesday, I had my final weigh-in before surgery and was given the "green light" to lose as much weight as I want to before September!! 

Last Wednesday was the BIGGEST (literally) day of my life!!!!

As I drove home from my appointment, and contemplated this thought, I started crying......
If you know me, you know that I cry ALL the time...so that's not really a big deal....but these were incredibly HAPPY tears......these last few months are going to go quickly.....and this time next year, I'll have a whole new perspective on life.

I'll be in pictures with my children....
I'll be naked in the daylight.....
I'll enjoy clothes shopping.....

I WON'T HATE what I see in the mirror.

I will NEVER be BIGGER than I am today. 
 And that is an incredible feeling.


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